Deep breathes

 Wednesday 2nd September 2020 
You are enough, a thousand times enough!

The only constant in life is change, thankfully yesterday one of those changes was realising my tastebuds have changed, I used to absolutely love this chicken and bacon pasta but stopped buying in because of the SmartPoints in it, but this week because of that Tesco order I did, I decided to treat myself and have it as a meal with salad, it wasn't worth it, it was very bland.  I sat up the table in the kitchen and gave the plate my full attention and it wasn't anything special at all, I could make something much tastier and a lot healthier myself, Alfie ate some of it, I refuse to eat food I'm not enjoying anymore.   

Fast forward a few hours and I got home from work extremely shaken up and upset, long story that I don't want to go over it again, I called V because I needed someone to talk to and calm me down and all the time I was talking to her I was opening and closing and reopening the fridge looking for.... well what was I looking for?  Comfort, calmness, distraction, I don't even know, but food is my friend so maybe I was looking for that!  Thankfully as I was talking and crying, I realised what I was doing and said it out loud, told V what I was doing which made me realise it wasn't going to help the situation.  When our call ended, I didn't want to spend ages in the kitchen, I wanted my mom, she had suddenly come back to the now and was being my protective, loving caring mom.  I had this which took 20 minutes in the oven and it was actually delicious if not very attractive looking. 

If we've learned anything this year, it's that life's very precious and should be cherished.  It's that our bodies are the one thing we really need to take care of, if you don't take care of yourself you won't have the energy to take care of others. 

I'm not gonna lie, I've had a very emotional time lately, I'm scared for the future, but I refuse to just let it happen, I want some control in how it affects me.  How about you?  How do you feel?  It's okay to not be okay but it's not okay to pretend you have no control over what happens next ...

Here's to a calmer day, 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx