Don't become exhausted from trying to be stronger than you feel.
Well after everything I blogged yesterday, all my plans to get on track, I had a really, really tough day.
"You look after number 1 don't ya!"
How one sentence can turn your day upside down! I'd just sat down to enjoy my breakfast and that was what mom said to me, well without dwelling on it all, let's just say it was the straw that broke the camels back. Thankfully my sister came and sat with her whilst I drove my car to the mechanics and walked the 3 mile back.
I was going to do a video whilst walking to try and express the rollercoaster of emotions that effect our eating behaviour, I didn't but if I had done, the conversations would've been different had I done it at the beginning, middle or end of the walk. That is the power of walking, it moves the body and calms the mind, it gives me valuable time to process my thoughts and calm myself down.
I cried an awful lot yesterday because she didn't get any better with me, it didn't help that she had the foot lady and her hairdresser coming, so each time she found out about one of them she got stroppy, no one tells me anything, I don't need my feet/hair doing ra ra ra! It was a difficult day for sure.
I was however glad that instead of eating or drinking my emotions, I felt them, I cried! Our emotions are not meant to be quashed down and ignored. We need to allow ourselves to feel whatever we need to feel - feel it all and let it go. People tell me 'you know it's not your mom when she says things like that' but that doesn't help when it's constant, then someone else walks in the room and she's all sunshine and rainbows, it hurts, it's painful and it's hard. Therefore I will cry when I need to, I will shout and scream if it helps because by having this mini meltdowns, I won't end up having a breakdown!
Now I'm going to use swear words here, I try not to in my blog even though in real life I have Tourette's, but I appreciate that not everyone does swear and I would never want to offend anyone, however these were my brothers words. When he visited on Sunday and we were chatting he was telling me about some bloke he follows on Facebook who occasionally says something worth listening to, he said basically, 'we all have our own shit going on in our lives, I've got my shit, you've got your shit and they've got their shit and the things is to learn to control your own shit and not put your shit on to someone else's shit' so eloquent lol! But it's true isn't it, we have all got shit going on in our lives, some more than others and right now with everything that's going on in the world, more shit than usual. I mean I've had mom to care for for years now but the last 4 months have been the hardest ever, then work has given me more to be concerned about. The same is happening for others, people being extremely ill or worse dying, losing jobs, money worries, health worries, mental health issues arising from being in lockdown, isolation and on and on it goes.
If you are struggling to lose weight, focus on being healthy, or anything you would like to do, acknowledge that this is a difficult time and you aren't expected to behave in a certain way.
Also I know my brother said not to put your shit onto someone else shit but I strongly believe that a problem shared is a problem halved, so don't confuse the two. It's good to talk, don't burden others but don't be afraid to share how you're feeling and never be embarrassed because of how you feel, we wouldn't have the ability to feel all these different emotions if we weren't meant to.
I did eat a few chocolates yesterday but not because I was angry / sad / miserable / upset, no I ate a few because damn they're good, they were Thornton's, it was my moms way of connecting with me again, a peace offering almost, although I don't think she even remembered how upset I'd been or what she'd said that morning.
I also ate healthy stuff, I experimented with the cauliflower, I coated them with egg and dipped in Panko breadcrumbs. You could add any herbs or spices. Then I roasted them in the oven, they were really good and I will definitely do it again. I'm thinking I could serve them with Katsu curry sauce as that usually goes on breaded chicken. Ooo yeah, maybe I'll have that today!
I know I have Uncle Bens in the cupboard and it's only 4SP for the pot. I will use normal golden breadcrumbs this time as I only used Panko to use them up, you could even make your own breadcrumbs, or blitz cornflakes or crisps, it's all about having a play in the kitchen.
I've got a morning of virtual workshops, 8.30 and 10.30 in the Dudley and Wolverhampton Connect group on the WW app that I'm looking forward too. Then I'll cook up some deliciousness for my dinner.
And you know what, when I did my yoga this morning I had a little white vest top and my PJ bottoms on and I caught my reflection in the mirror as I left the bathroom, I liked my reflection, I'm not unhappy with my appearance or my body, it's not hurting which is just brilliant as it's not very often I can say that! It's not just about the numbers on the scales is it, it's so much more and I'm happy with my body, I'm just trying to take care of it as best I can to keep it going for as long as I can.
Here's to making the most of your day, mwah,
luv ya
Love me xx
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