Anyone reading these?

28^th October 2018

Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t and start loving yourself for everything you already are.

Keeping it short this morning as Alfie has already had to wait an extra hour to get up and now he’s very impatient for his walk, I’m making him wait though because it’s still dark and I’m not ready to go out there just yet.

Yesterday was split into two parts, fab morning meeting, then a phone call from my sister-in-law to arrange their flights so they can come home for Christmas, I wasn’t going to make any fuss this year with just the two of us, but I will now, so I better get my sorting head on.

I sat with mom for the rest of the day and we watched Criminal Minds, I don’t like this type of programme, she loves them, all blood, misery and murder, they disturb me, but no she can’t keep up with the story lines and it makes it worse because by the middle of it she doesn’t know who’s side to be on.  Moments like that make me realise how bad she’s getting.  We ended our evening with XFactor which she spoilt by moaning all the way through it.  Hey ho, it’s another day today, oh for more comedies on the tv.

It would have been so easy to say yes to her offer of chocolate biscuits and cheese and onion crisps but I managed somehow to resist, once I’d had my chicken dinner, I didn’t eat again last night, so difficult not to.  I’m not gonna lie, I really wanted to eat my emotions last night, I have a fridge full of cheese and crackers in the cupboard, I considered a chicken sandwich too but I didn’t succumb to any of it, tried to keep reminding myself I wanted to be the best version of me, that’s my new mantra in my head, reminding myself what I’m like at my best.  When I’m at my best, I can handle mom’s memory loss, I don’t care that she doesn’t know what’s going on in a tv show because it isn’t important, all that matters is that in the moment she’s happy or happy to be angry at the tv.

No coaching card today, our brains need a rest.  Just remind yourself of that question in the week, “What are you like when you are at your best?”

I’ve just found this recipe on pinterest, if you’ve got a pumpkin to use up, here’s what looks like a delicious idea https://www.stayathomemum.com.au/recipes/vegetable-bake/

Short and sweet today as I said cos this poor dogs already had me up in the middle of the night to go do the toilet up the garden, he’s keen to get going again, poor love.

Here’s to surviving Sunday, I’ve got a joint of beef to get in the oven on slow, mmmmmmmmmm roasters, carrots, garlic, onions, peas, nom nom, Yorkshire pudding oooooooooo I haven’t had a roast beef dinner for a while, Alfie will be pleased.

Happy Sunday BeYOUtiful, have a great one, oh one more question, what are you grateful for in your life, mine is family right now, when I got home yesterday my sister proper ripped into me (with humour) over my washing up in the kitchen, really made me chuckle.  If nothing else, mom’s illness is bringing us all closer together than ever before – looking for the positives in life! Because the negatives don’t help anyone.