A weekend of two halves

9^th July 2018

I’ll remember her love when she can no longer remember

How hot was it in the night! It’s niceand cool out there right now, I’ve just walked Alfie and enjoyed the breeze.  Today’s my brothers last full day with us, he goes home tomorrow and his wife Alexis went yesterday, I drove her to the airport at 3, oh I’m so glad I’m not a driver in this weather so uncomfortable in a car at 30+ degrees.  Then her flight got delayed by 3+ hours, not good at all.

It’s been a long weekend of two halves, up until 6.30pm it’s been wonderful, moms laughed and loved the attention, then after 6.30pm mom changes and it all goes horrible, it’s called Sundowning and it’s a horrible part of Alzheimer’s, hah as if there’s any not horrible part of this cruel disease.  If you’re interested this explains it

https://www.dementiauk.org/understanding-dementia/advice-and-information-2/sundowning/ but in a nutshell, she gets quite obnoxious and not like my mom at all. See one of the hardest parts of Dementia and Alzheimers is having to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive, the reality is there’s no remission, there’s no stopping it or slowing it down, there’s no cure and there are no survivors, it’s just pure cruel, evil.  Even worse imagine being the person who has the disease, she knows that there are pieces of the puzzle missing and that’s terrifying know you're going to get worse.  I can still give my mom a hug but I miss her every single day, that’s just so wrong, however we are grabbing the moments, enjoying the chuckles, making light of the dreadfully embarrassing situations she ends up in and taking it one day at a time, today we will do it all over again and I’m sorry but I refuse to ‘worry’ about my weight at this time, it’s just not a priority, my priority is making my mom laugh, making her feel as safe as possible  and trying to get her through all this.   

If you woke up this morning in good health, then be grateful, if you woke up this morning in pain, be thankful that pain is proving you’re still alive, if you woke up this morning knowing who you were how lucky are you!

I’ll keep reminding myself that every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day. It’s all just temporary, so when life is good, enjoy it, make sure you are fully in the moment, and put your damn phones away.  When life’s not so good, remember that it won’t last forever and better times are coming.

If you woke up this morning thinking, “oh ma’an its Monday already!” then give yourself a reality check and change that to “yay, it’s Monday, bring it on, another week ahead to embrace and enjoy”. 

I plan to get some healthy food in my belly, all I ate yesterday was a bacon and egg sandwich for breakfast and pizza for tea, nothing inbetween.  I know that’s unlikely though because it’s my brothers last day and I think he may want KFC, I can have a healthy brekkie at least lol.  I’ve got the rest of the month to get my healthy back, it’s all good.

Let’s have a VERY GREAT DAY BEYOUTIFUL, no excuses, you can decide what that looks like in your world. If you try and it don’t happen, know you can start over, each and every morning xx