Sharing my space today ;-)

16^th February 2013

 

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. Lucille Ball

As usual I’ve woke up on a Saturday morning feeling good, I am the original Happy Owl, although I haven’t always been!  I lost a pound this week, forgot to say yesterday but honesty although I’m pleased about that it’s not why I’m happy, I love me regardless of my weight and it’s taken many years to get to this place.   Today I’m letting someone else write the rest of my blog, because she’s just realised she isn’t YET a Happy Owl – how many of you can relate to this ladies story, when I talk to her I see a gorgeous sparkly beautiful lady who you’d want to spend time with and yet… well you read it;

 

Guest Blogger

 

If you want it bad enough you’ll find a way. If not you’ll find an excuse.

That’s what they say, isn’t it?

 

So if I want to be slimmer, a particular weight, and I want it really, really badly, why oh why can’t I get there????

 

What’s stopping me?

I know it’s only me.

 

But if I think I’ll be happier when I get there, why am I stopping myself getting there?

 

Why am I standing in my own way, sabotaging myself again and again, year after year?

 

I wanted to start a journey of self discovery. Yes I’ve tried every single diet in the book. Probably like you have. I want a quick fix, I won’t lie. But I’ve learned over the years that there is no such thing.

 

SO if I know that eating less rubbish, eating healthier, being mindful, being more active and doing all the things my sensible brain knows if I did and I did it consistently I would get to the weight that I am convinced will make me a happier and more contented human…..why don’t I do it.

 

Here’s my story so far.

 

Over the years, you could say my body’s done me proud.   Let’s face it, it’s put up with living in different countries, it’s been patient with a mind which suffered from panic attacks, agoraphobia and anxiety. It’s run at impressively high speed out of Sainsbury’s for that one! It’s fought a couple of very serious illnesses and defied death, and against all the odds it conceived and gave birth to a now healthy grown up child.

 

So why, when I look in the mirror at it, do I not feel proud?

 

Why, is my worth defined by the numbers on the scales?

 

And why, even when I was in my teenage years and beautifully slim, did I still strive to be slimmer.

 

What happiness do I think that I will find by being a certain weight and will I ever get to that feeling of happiness or will I always be chasing smaller numbers?

 

Let’s start at the beginning.  As the oldest of a few children, I was bought up by a mum who was a serial dieter.  We thought she was fat. In retrospect, in photos, she wasn’t. She was a little overweight, but she loved a bottle (or two) of red and she lived her life. She died early, at 54, never having been the weight she thought she would be happy at, or the weight that would stop her husband from chasing other women. She did not die happy neither did she die content - in fact the opposite.

 

My dad was a perfectionist and between them I learned that however good you were, you could always be better. Nothing was ever good enough. As an adult, I am still a perfectionist, not a bad trait, but when things are not good enough, why is it myself I punish?

 

Why do I focus on the negative things about myself and not look at the positives.  I know when I do it, it leads to self sabotage and guilt and self loathing, which makes me want to continue the cycle.

 

Now, I know I am not the only one trapped in this cycle. Is this you too?

 

So I have decided to examine the cycle and break it for once and for all.  And although I may still be chasing the illusive numbers on the scales, maybe getting to them will be a walk in the park once I am not doing battle with myself and my feelings on an hourly basis.

 

 

Mmm do you focus on the negative about yourself?  Are you your own busy obstacle?  Do you think you’ll finally be happy if you get to a certain weight?  If so why not do what she’s doing and break that cycle, realise you are already damn fine, absolutely gorgeous, look around you at the people who love you, they are a reflection of your amazingness!  I have to say I am surrounded by the most tremendous people in my life, I also weigh and meet such fabulous, gorgeous, inspirational people day in, day out in my work yet some of them just do not realise how sensational they are!  If you’re one of those people, trust me you’re beautiful. Xx

 

It’s Saturday, I’m on track, 100% honest accountability, ended on 38pp yesterday, earned 5pp on pedometer, I’ve consumed all the activity ProPoints I’ve earned but I do still have 47 of my weeklies left – go me!  Not only did I stick to my shopping list this week but I also had to go back for the cottage cheese I’d forgotten and I, yes ME, walked into the Co-op and back out with just the tub of cottage cheese, I ignored the reduced steak and gammon joint, I didn’t even look at the cooler counter reductions and I ran past everything else waving their offers at me as I paid cash for my purchase and left with a smile on my face ;-)