1st December 2012
It’s all about the love!
Yep for yourself and those around you, it makes life
a lot easier to live without hate or anger, this belief that being tough on
yourself leads to success is rubbish, constantly
criticizing every move you make will slowly wear you down and undermine your
will to try.
I stopped beating myself up a good few years ago, I was
interested to realise how long I have been working on myself when I skimmed
back over my blog yesterday, before this one I had another which isn’t there
anymore but I still have the entries on my pc.
I went for a massage yesterday and it seemed to really clear
my mind and allow me some thinking time, when she’d finished I grabbed my pad
and started writing down all the things I’d been thinking so that I wouldn’t
forget, it makes it sound like it wasn’t a very relaxing massage but it was, it
was almost like having clarity occur because I was so relaxed.
The clarity and relaxation continued throughout the day and
even whilst I was asleep and I’ve woke up this morning feeling the love and I’m
proper chilled out.
I’ve finally realised I really don’t have a thin person
inside crying to get out; it’s just me shouting for my right to love the body I
have! I don’t need to be any lighter
than I am, as long as I’m happy and healthy, which I am. I still track most of the time to ensure this
body I have doesn’t get any bigger but I really don’t feel the need to get it any
smaller.
Yesterday we were watching a programme on my sky box about
Corfu and a couple on that show said they work all year round for 2 holidays a
year. They go to the same place every
time and they didn’t sound like they enjoyed their life the rest of the
time! I don’t see the point in that, don’t
get me wrong I love a holiday and I’ve travelled a lot but I also love my home
life and I have as many fabulous memories from things that happen at home as I do
from things that happen when on holiday.
Whilst we were talking about this I said to mom probably my
number one highlight of my life was seeing blue whales, I actually get teary
eyed when I take myself back to that moment.
I had waited so long to see them, and it wasn’t actually until yesterday
that I realised it wasn’t just because I wanted to see a blue whale that I got
emotional, it was the whole story that went round why I wanted to see
them. It was because it was the day I
realised I’d won! Yep, I’d survived and
I was here and I’d achieved my childhood ambition and dream and it felt
amazing, oh and by the way, that day I was at the heaviest weight I’d ever been
but in that moment my weight didn’t mean a thing to me.
To elaborate a little more just to fill in the gaps, when I
was 4 I fell through the bedroom window and smashed open my skull (explains a
lot lol), that caused me to have epilepsy later on and I ended up in Penn
Hospital for a while when I was about ten or eleven I think, whilst there I
found a book on whales and became obsessed with it and anything to do with
them. I was having up to 50 seizures a
day and they wanted to operate on me telling my mom I had a 50/50 chance of it
working but also a change of ending up a cabbage, so she said no (thankfully!). We were so lucky, she was a cleaner at the time
for a doctor and he saw me privately and he saved my life, he eventually found a
drug that worked and I still take them today, rather be safe than sorry, couldn’t
bear to lose my driving license.
So that’s my story, I said then that I wanted to one day see
a whale and my ultimate would be a blue whale, I also remember saying back then
“I’m in no rush, they’re not going anywhere”.
But it looked at one time like they were heading for extinction,
thankfully they didn’t. Amazing memories
every one of them, but I didn’t rush to get them because I was also busy
enjoying every day as we don’t know how many of them we get!
I’m rambling this morning ain’t I, better stop now and go
make me a cuppa.
Take care of you and remember you’re gorgeous!
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