6ft & blonde - never gonna happen!

15^th November 2011

Some will, Some won't, So What. Next!

I think I’m packed, well 90% sorted anyway and anything I haven’t got when I get there, I’m sure I can buy.  I haven’t packed a case like that for years, normally we go for a week in this country and I just grab all my scruffs in a bin bag – sorted!  So yesterday afternoon was quite amusing to say the least.

There’s a certain perfect-life daydream so many people have that may go like this: You’re a comfortable size 10, dressed like an off-duty model in skinny jeans, ballet flats and a white T-shirt. And underneath that, you’re wearing a barely there bra that wouldn't even begin to hold up your usual DD cup. In short, YOU have your ideal body. Don't most people think they'd be happier thinner? Don't you? Even if it's not losing a lot of weight - 5lb, 7lb... hell, maybe even a stone, don't we all dream of being able to wear a skinny black dress without a body woe?  When I used to daydream my perfect body I was always taller - Weight Watchers couldn't sort that for me unfortunately!

Like so many women, in the past I have regularly gone low cal, low carb, low sugar, low everything. But however much weight I lost, it never lasted. Since my teens, I've ranged repeatedly from a size 20 to a skinny size 8. I used to blame greed and lack of self control but finally I got it under control and am now a happy size 12, who occasionally gains a few pounds – I plan to do that in New York, and I’m not worried because I know I can get it off again.

For some (not all) still struggling to get to that ‘happy weight’ I now believe something more complicated could be to blame – they have a fear of being thin. But isn't that ridiculous? How can someone be afraid of the very thing they fantasise about? Ursula James, a clinical hypnotist and visiting fellow at Oxford University Medical School (ursulajames.com), explains the reasons for personal body sabotage. 'Losing weight is the first step in becoming the person you've always dreamed of being, and for a lot of people this can be scary,' she says. Her theory goes that if you were to drop those additional pounds for good, you think you should then become the woman you want - but am secretly afraid - to be. The successful Sender reply address says do not reply.limelight- loving, go-getter, who is so comfortable in herself she can wear that bikini with pride (terrifying), who puts herself forward for those high-profile jobs (what if I fail?) and who enjoys the attention that comes from having a newly acquired enviable figure (gulp). Nothing would be holding you back from your perfect life. And if you can’t blame your weight when you didn't achieve it, what exactly could you blame? 

Apparently you might be using your weight as a shield against intimacy, a weapon against change and armour against being hurt.  If you lose the weight, you have no more excuses for not being a success and no more reasons not to be happy.  Makes sense really I suppose and a fear of being slim is in fact a common yet unrecognised obstacle for many women.  I’ve met a lot of women who blame anything that goes wrong on their weight, and dreamt of how everything would get better once they shed it (hell I’ve been one of them) – love life, career, family life, even finances.  It's easier to fail in your weight-loss goals than fail to live up to your own ideals.

Fear of change can often be at the root of the problem.  Fear can prevent you losing weight in the first place or appear once you've started shedding the pounds, causing you to regain it.  You could be scared you're going to put on all the weight you've lost, so you don't even try.  Once you've slimmed, you're not the only one who may expect more of yourself – others might, too.

But if a fear of being slim is deep-set and hidden how can you tell if it's stopping your efforts? 'When you have repeatedly attempted to lose weight but failed, and if you find yourself sabotaging your efforts, there may be fear involved,  Another possible pointer is that you lose some weight but then level off, and don't know why you can't make it to your goal weight (assuming it's a realistic one).

You could use this exercise to help figure out your weight-loss fears.  Write down as many completions as you can to the sentence, "I am afraid to be thin because..."' While the first few responses are likely to be superficial and/or obvious, as you go on, you'll get deeper answers, which will give you more valuable information on how to heal or manage your concerns.

Why not spend some time thinking about who and what you might become if you drop those pounds the realise you can do those things now; work on building your confidence; you don’t have to lose weight to be great. 

I’m not the lightest I’ve ever been but I am the happiest, I stopped waiting for the perfect body I had in my mind and started to love the one I’d got – try it you might like it.  These days I’m more inclined to take care of my body because I love it and because of that I manage to keep my weight stable-ish! ;-)