Shoulda, woulda, coulda are the last words of a fool.

August 17^th 2011

“To dare is to do, to fear is the fail.”

On this day in 2004 I reached my goal for the last time!  Of course at the time I didn’t realise it would be the last time, because since I was eighteen joining Weight Watchers had been something I did on a regular basis, I have five gold Weight Watcher cards in my drawer with varying weights on them.  Previously I’d never seen it as a long term thing, just a quick fix way to lose weight, something I thought I should do because everyone else did and because everyone felt they should be thin, because magazines said I should lose weight and be a size 8, mmm how wrong they were.

Why were they wrong?  Because now I don’t believe my body was ever meant to be a size 8, I have been back in 1990 something but I couldn’t maintain it and it made me so miserable, you wouldn’t believe, the best of it was, I didn’t realise it was making me miserable, I thought because I looked good my life was great, but it wasn’t.  I rarely truly enjoyed a night out because I didn’t indulge and on the odd occasion I did I’d have to ‘pull it back’ at the gym all week long. 

“Do I feel like you should have done anything differently?” No, because I no longer use the word should.” I also don’t do regrets, I believe every experience we have whether good or bad teaches us something.  Back to the word should, I don’t use it because it implies guilt. And that guilt inspires negative feelings of shame.

When we use should in reference to the past, it makes us feel guilty about something which can’t be changed. For example, I might think to myself, “I shouldn’t have eaten that extra slice of cake.” But I did eat that extra slice of cake – and nothings gonna undo it. Believing that I should have done things differently only leads to guilt and shame. And such negative emotions do not lead to positive change. Instead, they’re self-defeating and can create something of a downward spiral.

When we use should in reference to the future, it’s laced with hopelessness, tension and despair. For example, I might say to a friend, “I really should do more exercise.” But such a statement isn’t really a goal so much as it is a personal scolding. Saying that I should do something doesn’t motivate me to do it; instead, it encourages me to feel guilty for not having any intention of doing it or for being lazy.

Try it, sit there, close your eyes and say “I should lose weight.” Then, take a moment to notice how you’re feeling. Now close your eyes again and say, “I want to lose weight.” Notice how your body responds now, does that sentence make you feel different.

 
The According to Diane, “Most people experience a sense of constriction or tension when The word “should” makes us feel uncomfortable and tense but when they say the word “want” makes a simple but powerful difference to the way you feel.

So from today remove the word should from your vocabulary and replace it with stronger and more positive words to help achieve your goal, because YOU CAN achieve your goal.  I hope you’re nodding right now. xx

WANTIVATION is the most powerful MOTIVATION there is, don’t do something because everyone else it, don’t do it because you feel you ought to, do it because you want to – find your reasons and use them to fuel your desire.

Here’s to a wonderful Wednesday.