Love a bit of calm

Saturday 29th February 2020
healthy is not a destination it's a way of life.

When mom suggests we have an early night, I'm all over that idea and we were in bed well before 8 last night and she went to the bathroom at 5am but she's gone back to bed bless her, she slept till gone 10 yesterday too.  She's much better when she gets good sleep, we had a lovely calm day yesterday.

I had the most amazing massage and that really chilled me out, she even eased my ankle pain a little.  Then I walked Alfie in the rain twice, we got absolutely soaked the second time, he was oblivious to it and would've kept going and going.

I ate eggs on toast (white bread too), I actually think I could live on this delicious, cheap meal, it was so good, I had it twice - oops!  Need some veggies in my life today.

What would your perfect day look like?  Yesterday was near enough for the life I have at the moment I've got to say, a happy, calm mom, a calm-ish dog once he'd been walked, a new crochet pattern on the go, a massage, easy food and wine.  Perfect.  The only thing that could've made that better (other than turning back time and having mom pre dementia) would've been if the walk had been on a beach and the sun was shining.  Oh roll on the sunshine, when will it stop raining, those poor folk who's houses are flooded.

Eggs on toast, beans on toast, what are your favourite cheap meals, I do love egg and chips with peas too, nom nom.  Quick, cheap, meals, it don't get much better.   Pastas cheap, I need to start looking at using that more too and veggie meals usually work out cheap.

I do need to buy some veggies though, I have frozen peas and corn on the cob, maybe a tin of something in the cupboard but that's the lot.  I have some curried keema mince in the freezer that Harj made me, that would be nice in iceberg lettuce with tomatoes and cucumber batons, mmm.  See I've started my meal planning for the week ahead.  

Just placed my online shopping order, lots of veggies in the basket so I can have a healthy week using up the food in the freezer too.  Now what to eat today, something out the freezer for sure, will go check it out in a minute.  What's on your menu?


Here's to a very great day, a calm one again would be lovely.

Mwah, luv ya

Love me x

What's your next step?

Friday 28th February 2020
Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin.

I do love Friday's and today's no exception, although could've done without being woke by mom at 5 for her to tell me she was getting up, for her to promptly get back in bed and go back to sleep leaving me wide awake lol.  You gotta love her!  She had a better day yesterday so fingers crossed for today.

My appetite was out of control yesterday and I blame Weetabix!  Yep I had two for my breakfast and I was hungry by 9am, then I couldn't seem to fill myself up after that.  I did enjoy my delicious dinner though, for 6SP each these are delicious.

I can't see me getting much done today, I've been up an hour and all I've done so far is wrote what's above and drunk a mug of tea and played on Pinterest, oh and had a look at adding to my shopping basket for my food delivery.  I fancy lamb chops for my dinner this weekend, not had those for a very long time, nom, nom.  They're not cheap though are they!  I plan to eat a lot of fish next week as I have a lot in the freezer and now I have to get the alley roof re-felted, that's not going to be free so a little frugal in the shopping department this month I think.  I can easily go all month without having to buy meat or fish, so the lamb will be my pay day treat ;)

Didn't get to do my dancing yesterday but I'm not going to give myself a hard time as I might have done in the past, I wanted to do it for 30 days but you know what, my ankle hurt and overdoing things was what caused my ankle problem in the first place so I chose to rest it, I also chose to sit with mom because she'd had a good morning with my sister and I wanted to enjoy her at her best, so we sat for a couple of hours and watched a bit of tele together.  I can dance another day!

I loved my workshops yesterday, I even had my lovely ladies in my 10.45 dancing at the end of their workshop, it was lovely to watch, really made me smile, nothing better than a job that makes you smile.

I've just picked up a pack of coaching cards which were on my desk, here's the activity on the card that I've chosen, as my blogs a bit empty this morning, let me leave you with this and you can have a think, get that brain working, who knows it might help you stay on track or get back on track.

Imagine a time in the future when you have succeeded in achieving one of your goals.  Looking backwards, describe the steps you took which got you there.

Next you can start working on one of those steps.   Here's to taking a step in the right direction towards it being a great day.

Mwah, luv ya


Love me x

You matter

Thursday 27th February 2020
Not everyone will like you - not everyone matters!

Yesterday tested my strength of mind, mom had a really difficult day which manifested in her being horrible, moaning about everything, me being unable to make her happy.  It's the first day I didn't get to do my dancing in the kitchen, I started and about 7 minutes in she struggled to the kitchen to tell me her drink was crap and she didn't even know what it was, well after that interaction, which was just her way of saying I don't like being in there on my own, I'd lost my love for continuing so gave up for the first time in 11 days.  But as she says about all of the website, practice, its not about perfect and there is no right or wrong so I will try again today.

I had a great night at my workshops which was a lovely bit of respite for me, then walked back in and she was still the same, yet suddenly an hour later she switched and became nice again, we ended up staying up till ten because she was now in a good mood, enjoying a programme on the tele with me and I wanted to enjoy her company, I could've stayed up till midnight with her like that but I couldn't because of my alarm at 5am this morning and the long day ahead, I'd have been dead on my feet.  I do hope she feel better today, it must be awful in her head.

I don't have anything in my head to talk about today, not much going on in there this morning, oh and as if by magic, moms just got up, but she's going to try and go back to sleep thankfully.

Right if I have nothing to go over about yesterday, let's think about today, I'm loving my workshops this week so I have 5 of them to look forward too today.  Mmm food wise I've just had weetabix for breakfast, see you didn't realise since I started this paragraph, I've been and let Alfie up the garden, fed him because he told me he was hungry, they may not be worse but I understand the different noises he makes most of the time, done me a cup of tea, made mom a fresh hot water bottle and decided on weetabix for breakfast.  There's 6SP gone, 4 for the weetabix, 1 for 100ml of milk, I add a bit of hot water too so they're not cold and 1 teaspoon of sugar - it's probably the only time I use sugar in this house, we're still working our way through the bag I bought when I had the kitchen done, which is over 2 years ago.

For dinner I've got M&S Coquille St Jacques to look forward too, one of my favourite foods, they're 6SP each and scrumptious, I might be a devil and have both (who am I kidding 'might') I will have both, with a salad then for tea, I've got the chips from my meal deal that need using.  Those meals could be switched round if I can convince mom to have a few chips, I need a loaf though as the half of one in the kitchen is turning into it's own science experiment I realised last night when I went to have a chicken sandwich for my tea, I just cut the white bits off - it was fine.

See I don't wanna stop typing because I love this hour on my pc, it's the calm before the storm, it's usually uninterrupted (not this morning) and especially on a Thursday when I know once I leave the house at half 7, I'm not gonna get to relax again till 8 tonight really - I love it though.

Right, time to get on, I just looked up to see if it was snowing (it's not thankfully) but I smiled at my windowsill, on it are gifts that members gave me, there's a framed photo of mom and me with ice cream, a Pooh bear and a framed page from the Charlie Mackesy book, it says "Always remember you matter, you're important and you are loved, and you bring to this world things no one else can".  That goes for all of us, so as we turn today into a great day let's remember how much we matter!

Mwah, luv ya

Love me x

What would you spend a wellness allowance on?

Wednesday 26th February 2020
It's not just about losing weight, it's about losing the mindset and lifestyle that got you there.

Alfie woke mom and me up at half six this morning, little devil, I assumed he wanted to go up the garden so got up but he went back on moms bed!  Grrr!  Good job I love him that's all I'll say, I can never go back to sleep at that time of day and I was having a not so nice dream, so I'm not too bothered.

Yesterday was a great day (even if mom played up when it was time for me to go to work, I'm getting more relaxed about her behaviour, instead of worrying and stressing about what might happen, I'm more hey ho, what will be, will be.  I can't control everything that happens in this world so I'm no longer going to try, as she keeps telling me she's quite capable of.... and finishes that sentence with whatever suits her at the time!

I ate a few more snacks than I'd planned last night, but at least the salted almonds have gone!  I did have melon and yogurt which was delicious, for my dinner I had this;

Salmon with frozen peas and gnocchi in a white sauce with some Arla protein cheese (3SP per 100g) and I am thrilled (easily pleased me) to find out the ingredients are 100% milk, no additives so sticking with the idea of one of the first rules of this 'Food Rules' book I'm reading, DON'T EAT ANYTHING YOUR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER WOULDN'T RECOGNISE AS FOOD.  This makes perfect sense to me, try and steer clear of all those additives and things that are so processed their probably a molecule away from being plasticine or plastic!  I've always had a problem with these syrups, foods, sauces that have zero calories in them, I'm like if there's no calories in them, there can't be any food in them?  So what is in them!  Don't get me wrong if that floats your boat and you're okay with it, crack on.  I've just sat and drunk my mug of tea that I enjoy every morning and I'm guilty of double standards because I have a sweetex in it, which is Sodium Saccharin (at least I can pronounce it) but I do know people have opinions about such things and there's been research but I choose to take the chance, if a couple of sweetex a day since I was a teenager is to be my downfall, then so be it, I'm not giving up my cuppa and it doesn't taste as good without or with real sugar.

Anyways moving on cos I forgot what I was talking about to start with!  Oh yeah it was the protein cheese, the Arla one is the only one I think has any taste and it's great in a white sauce, trust me.

White sauce 

40g low fat spread (5SP)

40g flour (4SP) 

450ml skimmed milk (6SP)

plonk in a pan and stir continuously as you bring to the boil, then add a bit of mustard if you like, some grated cheese, lush.  

I put pieces of salmon, a bag of gnocchi, a few handfuls of frozen peas in a dish and covered with this sauce, mmmm nom nom, it's one of my new favourite meals and will be a regular in the house.

Today I'm having chicken I think with plenty veggies, I might have scrambled eggs for breakfast as I bought a box last night half price, love a food bargain, can't help myself, even when I have eggs in the house.  I also had a whole salmon from Morrisons, it's on offer and when someone fetches it for ya it's even better.  The rest has gone in the freezer, oh and some for my sis cos she's awesome.

Alfie is now whining behind me because he obviously wants a walk but I'm not ready, I'm still in my pyjamas, it's difficult to ignore that noise though I won't lie.

It was pay day yesterday, thinking about a pay day treat, but I'm trying to be a grown up and not just dive in and buy something that I want today but might not use because I know what I'm like, so I'm going to think about it for a few days lol.  WW are good to work for, this months wage includes an annual Wellness Allowance of £75 because they want us to focus on our own Wellbeing, aimed to maintain or improve our physical, financial and emotional wellbeing and I want to spend it on something that will do exactly that!  I initially thought yeah I'll use it to pay for the BodyGroove subscription for the year, but I was gonna buy that anyway if I stuck the month out, so now I'm thinking mmm, maybe my emotional wellbeing.  What would you spend it on, if you got £75 in an envelope?  See being a WW coach is already a pretty, freaking, awesome job, now it comes with perks like this too!  Fancy becoming a coach?  Check out the website for info and if you do decide to apply, put my name down as the one who referred you (yeah I'd get a bonus for that too! Beverley Longsden just incase you didn't know my full name, 012545 is my coach number.  https://www.weightwatchers.com/uk/become-a-ww-coach

Right the noise is doing my head in now, I'm off to get dressed, walk the mutt, start my great day with some fresh air.

Mwah, luv ya


Love me

Why move and eat well?

Tuesday 25th February 2020
Today I will focus on what matters and let go of what clearly doesn't.

Not gonna lie, I wasn't ready to get out of bed this morning but I gotta go to work soI did, moms had a dreadful night, she was still wide awake, sitting up doing crosswords at 2am!  I've slept but its been disturbed because I'm aware of her going to and from the bathroom, talking to Alfie, sorting through her cupboard drawers, doing the things she does when she can't sleep.  She's asleep now though lol. 

Yesterday was quite a calm day though, although she's getting worse on her legs, she almost tripped over, her right leg keeps seizing, this getting old lark sucks for sure.

I'm trying to work on myself to ensure I don't end up quite as bad, I think it's just this minute hit me that this is why I want to lose weight but also get my mobility as good as it can be.  Seeing mom, writing about her, but also listening to the things being said in the Body Groove videos, in Sunday's video she'd got us on the floor, rocking side to side on our sit bone and getting us to massage our butt cheeks, then in one dance yesterday she was taking about moving those hips and how important it is to keep the range of movement in hip bones because they are so important to our movement and as we age we don't want to lose that.  SO TRUE! 

Now as I told a friend when we were having a conversation yesterday, I just don't enjoy exercise usually it's too formal and boring and I'm always waiting for it to finish. Plus it hurts! The difference with this body groove is there are no rules, it's short too, 20-30 minutes and she tells you to stop if it hurts. Not going to lie, I am still keeping my eye on the time but more because of mom. What I realised afterwards when I was thinking about why I like this as opposed to other stuff I've tried, I realised it's because I can be a perfectionist, when I'm learning to do something I want to do it well, to be good at it, to get it 'right' but with this you can't get it wrong, I'm not trying to copy the instructor, I'm actually not looking at her half the time because she tells you not too, also because I'm not being watched by anyone, I'm letting go 100% and really getting lost in my own head (and body) and I'm really enjoying it.

I've also just started reading a book called Food rules by Michael Pollan, I'm only at the start but I sort of know the gist before I start, he sums it up in one sentence 'Eat food, not too much, mainly plants'. Obviously he's had to add more pages to sell! 

I always say to my members that nutrition science is a very young science in comparison to others, so the 'expert's are still learning (which is why WW change it's plans over time), well according to the book it got started less than 200 years ago, so is approximately where surgery was in the year 1650 - WOW, look how far surgery's come since then, just goes to show there's so much to learn.  

I love the one chapter (I've flicked through the book already), again it's simple, just a title and a couple of sentences but I agree totally, this is it.

Avoid food ingredients containing ingredients that a third-grader cannot pronounce.
Basically the same idea, different mnemonic.  Keep it simple.

Do you read the ingredients on things you buy? 

What do you think this is from?

Ingredients

Noodles (Water, Wheat Flour (with added Calcium, Iron, Niacin, Thiamin), Palm Oil, Antioxidants (Butylated Hydroxyanisole, Citric Acid, Propyl Gallate)), Glucose Syrup, Salt, Flavour Enhancers (Monosodium Glutamate, Disodium 5'-Ribonucleotides), Flavouring, Onion, Garlic, Potassium Chloride, Yeast Extract, Maltodextrin, Ground Turmeric, Acid (Malic Acid), Parsley, Black Pepper Extract

Straight away looking at that I'm thinking what is Butylated Hydroxyanisole and Ribonucleotides!  When I googled them and one said Butylated Hydroxyanisole is a synthetic antioxidant used to preserve fats and oils in foods, medicinal drugs, and cosmetics and Ribonucleotides is is a nucleotide containing ribose as its pentose component. It is considered a molecular precursor of nucleic acids. Nucleotides are the basic building blocks of DNA and RNA. The monomer itself from ribonucleotides forms the basic building blocks for RNA.

Course it is!  I'm none the wiser! 

Now my breakfast yesterday was 

100% melon

100% Organic Agave Nectar

but I'm surprised to find out that the yogurt had things I can't pronounce!  

Ingredients

Pasteurised Skimmed Milk, Live Active Yoghurt Cultures (L. Bulgaricus, S. Thermophilus, L. Acidophilus, Bifidus, L. Casei)

Now that argues his rule but I think we both get where he's coming from, eat natural stuff, not the chemical things, I checked my spread when I bought some Sunday, I usually buy the lowest in calories but I went for the one that had ingredients I knew what they were. 

Oh the first set of ingredients were to a packet of super noodles if you were interested, I don't buy stuff like that anymore, I'll buy noodles and add my own flavourings but I do try to steer clear of Processed food as much as possible, I am still guilty of occasionally indulging though, I'm not gonna lie, it's convenient and tasty.  At least I'm making some changes. 

Now this gem I had for my dinner, it wasn't low in points, 14SP in half, but if you served it with cauliflower rice, thats a decent amount for a main meal, it was super filling too and absolutely delicious, 

oh and the ingredients, all foods you'd recognise and be able to pronounce!  I will definitely be checking out their Plant Kitchen range, this was in the meal deal for £12, main, side, desert and wine, gotta be done, you can choose the healthier option, I had this, chunky chips as my side but will have them as a meal on their own with egg, maybe a few beans, then desert they have grapes and wine - well it doesn't go off! I'll save the white of for the first sunny day I can sit in the garden.

That's your challenge today, start looking at your food choices, check the ingredients, if you have Pancakes today, the recipe is simple, https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/easy-pancakes I've worked these out at 2SP each if I use skimmed milk (it's the only milk I buy) but them ready made they'll include things like Stabiliser Guar Gum then there's the plastic it comes in.  It ain't hard to make pancakes and it's fun, actually I think I might make mom some today, need lemon juice, not sure I have any, but we can live without it, I'm sure she'll be happy with syrup! 

Right I need to move my ass and get ready for work, I'm okay about having to get out of bed now, I've had my cuppa, I've got me some water and I'm ready for a very great day - are you?

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

Why aren’t you skinny!

Monday 24th February 2010
Every morning, you have a new opportunity to become a happier version of yourself.

Well let me start my day with a photo of the Big Mac Grande, and yes it was worth waiting for, yes I am a Maccy D fan, even if I do manage to stay away but I would be a Big Mac Junkie if I could eat them daily and not gain weight.  It was enjoyed even more because I got to sit with my mom and my bestie whilst eating it, had a catch up with my bestie and my mom was good, so a good day all round.  Oh it gets better.....

 I lost a pound this morning, that's 3 weeks on the trot I've lost weight, that's half a stone in February whoo hoo, I'm not gonna lie, I'm very pleased.  I'm now back to what I was at the end of November, still got 4lb to get to the lightest I was last year, but I'm feeling good and positive about it.  I'm sure adding half hour of being active each day is going to help too, Day 9 today, yesterday's was more yoga style moving with stretches, but I was glad after 7 days of moving, I was glad of the rest.  My ankles still a little swollen and painful but not unbearable and as it hurts whether I do it or not and had for months now, I may as well move.

V did get me a pot of McDonalds special sauce for 5SP but it wasn't needed on yesterday's meal, I have some steak in the fridge and chips which I'm thinking it'll go very well with.  It'd even be delicious with steak and salad without the chips.  Not today though, today I have coconut dhal with roasted tofu, check me out, it was part of the M&S meal deal, 14SP in a portion, so quite high, but there's red lentils in it too so should be quite filling, mmm how can I bulk it out for zero, I've got salad, if I had butternut squash it would complement it really well roasted.  But I haven't, I do have some corn on the cobs in the freezer, maybe I'll roast them. When I've got my freezer a little less full, I'm going to buy frozen squash and other veg, keep contemplating buying a upright freezer for the shed, times like this it does seem a good idea.  decisions, decisions!

Anyway, it's raining (AGAIN), which doesn't really bother me on my day off other than walking Alfie, oh yesterday he walked like a little soldier behind Vicky as we went out with him, almost tripping her up yea but hey, he was walking.  He was his old self yesterday after she visited, it was like he had new life pumped into him.  For the first time in a long time, he bought his toy to mom to play.  He seems to love our new rug too, much more relaxed and chilled on it so all was happy in our house.

Mom's already up this morning, so comical in our house in a morning,
"Bev, have you gone to work",
"no mom, I'm still in bed"
"Oh, sorry"
"It's ok"
"Alfie, get back in her, you'll wake her up, Alfie, Alfie, Alfie, come here, Alfie, Alfie, you little shit"

And so she continues telling him how him lying on the landing somehow is going to disturb me when she's making enough noise to wake the dead, I lie there smiling, because I wasn't asleep anyway and now I have no chance of going back to sleep but I have to wait a few minutes before getting up or she'll blame Alfie for it.  And so begins another great day.

Oh, did I mention I ate a burger and lost a pound!  Course I did, I didn't have any breakfast though and I only had a bag of hula hoops and a slice of bread with luncheon meat on for my tea.  There was obviously wine too but hey, I'm losing weight, not obsessing about food and feeling really good in my head.  Despite the rain, I can see Springs not far away and that really lifts my spirits, my favourite time of year, all the pretty bulbs flowering, the light nights, hopefully dry days so I can sit outside.  I was just thinking mom was off about sitting out last year because she was cold but my brother is going to do me some decking and Dan is going to put lighting out there, I think I might buy one of those heaters that are easy to turn on, I don't know what they're fuelled by but that would be great if she went out and I just flicked a switch.   I'm going off on a tangent now ain't I, I need to get my day started.  A few work things to do before I get to enjoy my day off and do some more of my latest lap blanket, I'm loving it and hopefully have a home for it, but if not, I'll find one, can always raffle it for charity.

OKAY Monday, let's have ya, let's make you great.  I'm off to make melon balls with my gifted melon baller (thank you Alison for that and for making me smile every Saturday, you truly are a star for so many reasons, so many don't see x)

Oh I can't go yet, I need to get on one about a post I saw on Facebook yesterday, another example of people not thinking before they open their big mouths!  One of my WW Coach friends who's an absolutely lovely lady, I remember the first time I met her thinking how elegant and attractive she was, she had that vibe exuding from her that made you want to be around her, in a nutshell she's lovely inside and out, anyway she posted this;

‘If you’ve been working for weight watchers for 13 years why aren’t you skinny?’

Is a question I was asked this morning. It’s taken me 7 gruelling weeks to begin to rebuild my shattered confidence and battered self esteem. My heart is breaking right now. 

One comment by one thoughtless, stupid individual is all it takes. I’m posting this not as a pity post, but simply to try and make more people aware of the impact that words can have. #bekind

Of course she had lots of lovely comments but seriously what is wrong with people, think before you open your mouth, I've been almost as low as 8 stone, I've been 13 1/2 stone, all in my 15 years of being a WW coach, I was skinny and still not happy inside, emotionally I still didn't feel 'enough', now I'm okay for everyone to know my weight, it's 12st 11lb today (lost a pound if I hadn't mentioned it lol) and I'm more than 'ENOUGH' for this world, I'm a one off as is every one of my marvellous members.  I've always said, it's called Weight WATCHERS not Weight losers, but these day's it's just called WW so meh, can't use that line anymore.  Yeah when I was in my 20s I wanted to be THIN, I've never used the word skinny, but then as I hit my 30s I wanted to be lean and fit, oh them my 40s attacked me and I just wanted to stop sweating like a bitch, having mood swings and wishing I'd stop with all the peri-menopausal symptoms whilst watching my body change to a shape it'd never been before!  Now I'm 50 and I want to be healthy and as happy with my world as is possible, I want to survive each day being glad to be alive, I want to eat burgers with my besties, drink wine (well with anyone who wants to drink wine 😝 ) I want to laugh lots, eat food as if it was my friend not my enemy, enjoy the every day moments that people take for granted. I don't wanna be skinny, what are the benefit's of that?  Mmm, let me think?  Being able to buy really small clothes, nah you're already, I'm happy to buy a size that fits me, that doesn't stress me, that makes me glad to be me.  

Think before you post / comment / think nasty thoughts, your idea of 'fat' might be someone else target weight!  We're all different sizes and shapes thankfully, who'd want to live in a world where everyone looks and acts the same, nah you're alright, I'm not a fan of Cyborgs, I love my wrinkles, my round belly (I give it a wobble and a cuddle every day), I even love my back boobs, although I'm waving them goodbye as they're disappearing since I've lost this half stone and starting moving more.  If it's part of me I love it, if it's part of someone I care about I love it too.  

I really am going now, mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Don't ya love Sundays

Sunday 27th February 2020
If you keep going you won't regret it, if you give up you will!

I do love Sunday mornings, no rushing, nowhere to be, nothing I have to do, not had a bad nights sleep either, despite the noise of the wind and rain.

The highlight of my day today is going to be a Big Mac Grand!  Not had one since they were launched and my V is going to bring us one for lunch, just the burger will take my entire daily points at 23SP for the one without bacon (I don't like their bacon so that's all good), then there's the fries, well it's got to be large, that's another 14SP, then the dips 2SP a packet!   WOW, I've just gone on their website and that special sauce they're selling in 50g portions is 5SP.   Thankfully it's a one off, not a regular on my menu and I have had two really good weeks weight loss wise so I can risk not getting a loss tomorrow.

I've had my carb head on this week.  My latest indulgence is grilled cheese toastie but done in a frying pan, it' sooooo good.  Thankfully I'm bringing the points down by using Warburton's Wholemeal bread from a 400g loaf, 2 slices are 3SP and then using Arla protein cheese which is 100g for 3SP and if you have a really good pan you don't even need oil, but you can use spray light or I've also got a spray oil which makes the oil go further for the points.

I made one the other day with the last few baked beans too - off the scale, just scrumptious, stodgy carbs.  I've never really been a fan of baked beans, but I've eaten 2 full cans this week, the WW ones are delicious if you can get your hands on them!  It's the weather ain't it!  It just makes me wanna warm up using food because it's so murky and damp out there.  But I'm keeping it under control, I refuse to regain that 5lb I've lost the last few weeks, that Christmas weight has gone, it took me till August to do it last year!  I'm not having any of that this year.  I'm eating like I love and care for myself.  A little of what you fancy does you good but if you don't feel good on a day to day basis, then something needs to change and that's where my brains going now.

Angie did a bit of shopping for me yesterday which was a huge help and now I have some nice bits of deliciousness to get me through the week.  Everything serves 2 though, so I've already decided I'm going to make sure I only eat the one portion, unless 2 portions works out within my allowance.  It's all in the planning people, could you find 10 minutes or so to do a bit of planning for the week ahead?  I'm sure you can, I'm definitely going to, luckily all the meals have a decent use by date so I can choose the order to eat them.  Of course, I've got my burger today so won't be eating any of it.  I've just seen you can have a side salad from McDonalds, so I might just do that as I haven't got any in my fridge and I really enjoyed the one I had from Tesco the other day, or maybe I'll jump in the car and go get a couple, maybe check Poundstretcher for WW beans.

Moms moving around so I'm going to go give her a cuddle and see how she is this morning, it's been a confusing few days for her.  Carol got me a rug from IKEA which I bought home yesterday, just that small thing really threw her, all morning before I got home she was going on about it to my sister, stressing over it, I can't begin to imagine what's going on in her mind and it breaks my heart if I even try.  My tactics are to try and make her smile and laugh at any given opportunity, not always possible but if you don't try, you don't know.

Right, she wants a cuppa (it's the only time of the day I make a good one apparently, so I make the most of it) ;)

here's to making it a great day,

mwah, luv ya


Love me xx

Feeling good

Saturday 22nd February 2020
The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

Yep it' going to be a great day, I already have a mug of tea in my hands, I've slept well, moms just woke and told me she's slept well too so it's all started well, long may it continue.  She's confused about where we live at the moment, I just want to give her a cuddle and make her laugh which I've managed once already this morning.  And she loves it when I say, when I get back from work today, I haven't got to go again till Tuesday x 

Our tele broken yesterday, it just wouldn't turn on, then when I eventually managed to power it up the screen just kept changing colours, solid green, followed by blue, red etc.  Thankfully my sister had a small one for me to use until I can get us a replacement.  I want one that will work everything including one / off and volume from the Sky remote, because this last one didn't and it confusing the hell out of mom.  I also need to get rid of the broken one, do they have to go to the tip I guess?

OH I cooked a Fray Bentos cheese and onion pie yesterday, I bought it over Christmas, had worked it out to 12SP for half and when it was cooked it looked lovely, that flaky pastry on the top, 

 Then I cut it in half and it was disgusting, gloopy filling, that plastic yellow colour, I didn't see or taste an onion anywhere.  Oh it was horrid and almost walked itself to the bin! 

This however that I finished is beautiful, I'm quite pleased with it, I'm thinking it would make a lovely Christening shawl, or just a baby blanket.  

I've already got my next pattern planned, had my eye on it for a while now and will probably start that today, it helps to keep me out the food cupboards. 

That's all thats going on in my world, I am looking forward to going to my workshop this morning and catching up with my lovely lot.  I will find time to do my dancing in the kitchen too, I'm loving that, it's really helping me to feel good both mentally and physically, takes me out of my own head for 20-30 minutes, it's brill.

And this is one of the basis for one of her meditations this week, this simple question;

What do people thank you for?   

Think about it, what do people appreciate about you?  What are they always saying thank you for.  It come be your smile, or the fact you make them laugh.  Anything you're thanked for, can others rely on you, come to you with their problems.

What do you give away effortlessly to the world and people thank you for.  Don't overthink it, write it down.  You can come back to that list at anytime and add to it.  I get thanked for my food, I like to cook and I like to share it.  

Once again, realise we are so much more than how we look!  How we feel and how we behave, the difference we make, these wonderful gifts you effortlessly share and people thank you for.  These are the things about yourself that you should be grateful for, all those qualities, start to appreciate and really like that you are the way you are.  

Because you are BeYOUtiful xx 

Let's make it a great day, you gorgeous creature you, go out there and be you and work on being the best version of you by taking care of yourself.

Mwah, love ya xx

Love me 

If you were to be really nice to yourself today.....

Friday 21st February 2020
Treat others the way you want to be treated.

A mixed day yesterday but on the whole ig was a great day, as long as I ignore the dementia demon which I'm getting better at!  Mom is really struggling with it all right now, you can even begin to imagine what's going on in her head can you, in a morning when she's confused she's more loving, in the afternoon and evening she's scared and copes with it through anger and aggression.  She can literally turn at the flick of a switch.  It it wasn't such a cruel disease, it'd be absolutely fascinating to study I would think.  The brain is just the most incredible thing and yet here's most of the planet more concerned with the outer case than what's on the inside!  More concerned with how pert their butts are or how plump their lips are than how healthy their brain is!  Bit sad that really ain't it.  I'd rather be clever than have a skinny ass, I'd rather make people laugh and smile than have a wrinkle free face.  I'd rather my brain stayed healthy for as long as I'm lucky enough to be on this planet than be aesthetically pleasing.  Each to their own though, you is what you is.

I didn't eat as healthily as I have been doing yesterday, actually yeah I did, I just succumbed to a packet of mini cheddars, hardly cause to put myself in front of the food firing squad, everything else I ate was healthy, I stopped at the Tesco garage and bought a tray of chopped fruit, some bananas, a salad bowl which I ate for my lunch with a can of tuna.  The for tea I had the WW slow cooked tikka masala (it was okay, I wouldn't rush to eat it again), I had that with microwave rice, ate the whole packet which I wouldn't normally but hey, could've been worse.  Losing 5lb in two weeks was a bit of a surprise and unexpected so I got a bit blasé ain't I thinking well if I can lose that without trying too much. blah blah blah.  

Oh I did make time for me to do my dancing round the kitchen with my bodygroveondemand.com, Sheila got me an ankle support, bless her, so that will hopefully help.  I'm hoping the more I do it the easier my knees, back and ankle will find it and they'll strengthen.  It only being 20 minutes is helping too, not too long but long enough to make a difference.  They say to do 30 minutes a day don't they, well eventually I'll build up to that. 

Thinking about how my mom was with me yesterday, it made me think about how other people can be mean, but also how we can be unkind to ourselves.  There's been a lot of posts on social media this week about being kind to each other after the loss of Caroline Flack but how about being nice to ourselves.  If we don't like ourselves, it's way more difficult to like anyone else.  

So here's today's thought for you to ponder; 

If you were to be really nice to yourself today what would you say to yourself?

If you were to be really nice to yourself today how would you treat yourself?

What would you eat, how would you move?  How would you be kind to yourself?

Let's start on ourselves, then we can spread that love and kindness around like confetti.  

I'm going to make time to do my kitchen dancing like Donna Summer once the blinds are down, I'm going to treat myself to a massage but also I'm going to treat myself to slowing down, there's no need to rush today, it's my day off.  I'm also going to do my best to lift my moms spirits but if she's in one of her bad moods, I will put up my emotional shield to protect myself.  I'll find something on tele to distract her, we watched a programme about monkeys yesterday, she loved that, so maybe more factual stuff is the future. 

Here's to a great day.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

   

How do you want to feel today?

Thursday 20th February 2020
Turn the page at any time & start a new chapter.

Well who'd of thought I'd wake up a little gutted because I have run out of Natural yogurt, it usually goes off in my fridge but I've eaten 2 large tubs since my last shop was delivered!  I will stop at the garage on my way to work and pick up a pot and some fruit, oh and bread, I'm down to 2 slices which mom will need.  Yeah I need to do a bit of shopping don't I doh.  But I'm only buying basics and fresh as my freeze still has plenty for me to go at.  I enjoyed my dinner yesterday, I'm not usually a baked beans fan but I had the leftover boiled potatoes out the fridge with baked beans on, really good and filled me up for hours afterwards, I just had a bit of cooked chicken for my tea

Loved my workshops last night, changing the times seemed to help too which is a bonus and seeing those that had been struggling having a great week is what it's all about, here's to another one this week coming. 

I did another Body Grove session, really enjoying it, https://www.bodygrooveondemand.com moms not always loving me disappearing into the kitchen but I matter too don't I.  It's a long day today and I don't get much time between workshops but if I can fit it in, I will.  The difference between finding 20-30 minutes to dance and finding the same amount of time to EXERCISE is massive to me, the first is a celebration of my body and all the ways it can move and it's fun, I feel good doing it.  Whenever I've done workouts in the past, it's hurt me to do and hurt me afterwards, I ended up with this ankle injury last time I attempted to get 'fit'.  This time I'm only doing what I enjoy and if it doesn't feel right, I'll stop and do something that's not so painful until there's a time when it feels right.  

Here's today's question - How do you want to feel today and what food would support you in feeling that way?  Would moving or doing anything help you feel a different way?  

I know since I've found myself a hobby, I feel better than my life isn't just work and taking care of mom.  I love my work but I need more than that as do we all. 

So how do I want to feel today?  I want to feel satisfied!  Satisfied physically and emotionally, my work will help me with that, I'm always satisfied with my job, now to find some food to make me feel satisfied, I'll stop and get my breakfast, I've got a WW ready meal for tea, I'm not going to feel like cooking, it's the slow cooked chicken tikka masala, I've not tried it yet, will have with microwave rice.  That just leaves lunch, I might pick up a salad bowl whilst I'm at the garage, have it with some tinned tuna that I have lots of in the kitchen, use some of that shopping I keep buying.

Yeah, I can feel it in my bones, today's going to be a great day. My muscles are aching a little from the dancing but it's that good pain that tells you, you've started using muscles that haven't been used in a while.  I've already drunk a tumbler of water so I'm dehydrated and now I'm off to make a cuppa.  I do hope mom has a better day today, she didn't know where she was when I got home last night, really confused by the time we went to bed, thought she'd got to live in the outhouse ;( I really don't like seeing her that way but all I can be is calm and kind and try to make her feel safe.

Let's have a great one yeah!  Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Do you still play? How?

Wednesday 19th February 2020 
If you are persistent you will get it.  If you are consistent you will keep it.

Another lie in woo hoo, after watching The Brits last night and sitting there thinking, 'never heard of them, never heard of him, never heard of her', yep I used to be up on my pop scene but I'm a Radio 2 listener these days and for that I am grateful! 

Anyway I loved yesterdays workshops, I love it when we go off on a tangent and talk about whatever comes up, I also love it when I get feedback that the week before has had a massive impact on a member (thanks for that Nic) it does make the job even more worthwhile than it already is. 

I walked in my house at 11ish with the 'it's going to be a great day' mentality that is my mantra these days for my sis to say Alfie had been acting strange again (YAY) so I said I'll walk him see if that helps, to have the following statement snarled at me; 

"How long you going to be gone this time?"

This is a sentence my mom says often when I go to walk Alfie after being at work or when I go back to work on the evening and normally it winds me up but just lately I've realised my reality is how I think it to be, My life is what I think about it. I walked the dog initially thinking to myself how that sentence makes me feel trapped, like I have to be somewhere constantly. But then I had a word with myself and said most people have to be somewhere most of the time, it's called being a grown up.  Okay its not the exact life I'd have chosen but it's my reality and I have lots of good thing going on to compensate for the not so good moments.  

I'm getting better at handling her outbursts, to changing her mood back so it's all good.  When I got back I went in the kitchen for half hour and danced it off with 20 minutes of my body grove on demand, then I got my cook on, I needed to use up the spinach gnocchi as it was use by 18Feb and I'd defrosted some salmon so I made a white sauce (simple 450ml skimmed milk, 40g plain flour, 40g low fat spread).  I plonked the salmon in the dish, surrounded by the spinach gnocchi, noticed I had 3 packs of cheese triangles in the fridge and one pack, ssh was out of date, it tasted okay so I popped them in as well and poured the sauce on top then baked for about 25 minutes.  It was so filling and tasty, bit stodgy but that kind of food has it's place on a cold day.  I took a portion for Carol and Julie and I even got a 'that was delicious' text off Julie, which is rare but always welcome.  It's always nice to be thanked isn't it!   This was how it looked.

I roasted the cauliflower, only managed to salvage 1/3rd of the cauliflower that was in the fridge, it had started to go off.  But now all the fresh stuff has been used that was delicious the day after I started to feel poorly and lost my appetite.  

Mmm, what to cook today, need to go raid the freezer, probably tinned veggies, I had tinned peaches and yogurt for breakfast yesterday will have the other half today.  I did indulge in a slice of toast too, love a slice of cold toast I do.

Need to get an ankle support so I can continue to enjoy doing the kitchen dancing, it's sure reaching places I forgot I had muscles and I'm loving it.  Yesterday she also had me do a meditation, where I pictured my younger self and have a conversation, it was a little odd at first but once I got into it, she asked me what advice would I give the younger me, what would I say to her and it's an interesting question to ponder.  She then asked what would the younger version of me say to me now!  This is what I came up with;

Me to the child me - Be you, don’t try to fit in, to conform, it’s okay to be different, to be unique, to follow your flow.  You don’t have to be like everyone else, or o what others to.  It’s okay to be YOU. 

Think about it, You're not going to find out much about yourself if you're always looking at other people - you've got to look inside.  You are unique - you should look different. You should be different.  Enjoy being an original.

And the only advise I could come up with from my child me to the me now, was 'Find ways to play', yeah I like that, I'm finding dancing round the kitchen is helping, I've always said I've got two left feet or no rhythm but talking to a member last night, I thought to myself actually you're not that bad and who cares because you enjoy it.  

There's a couple of things for you to think about today, what would your conversation sound like?  

Oh and don't forget it's going to be a great day!  

Mwah, luv ya 


Love me xx

Here's to a tremendous Tuesday!

Tuesday 18th February 2020
Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean me first, it means me too.

It's going to be a great day!  I'm going to continue to believe this even when things happen that try to change it.  Yesterday the phone rang and it was the people the dementia nurse had referred us to, DUH she then proceeded to ask me if I could get mom to say it was okay for us to talk about her.  Well that went down like a lead balloon and the rest of the day was a bit poo cos mom went into one saying how dare they treat her like she's not all there, blah blah blah.  What's frustrating about that situation is it was preventable.  They have my mobile so no need to use the landline and ask me uncomfortable questions about her in front of her and I also have power of attorney to give me permission to discuss mom's medical issues - it's all on the files if they read them!  So yeah, yesterday was an uncomfortable day.

I didn't let it throw me off track though, I did Day 2 of the Body Groove, loving it, it makes me smile, oh and it's making all my muscles hurt a little which means it's actually doing something, so that's a good thing isn't it.  She also gives you things to think about which is always a good thing.  Day one she asked us to ask ourselves 'is this as good as it gets?'  Well is it?  If you could make changes to your life, what would they be?  What area's of your life would you like to change?  Oh and be realistic, there are some things in your life you can't change, acknowledge and accept them!

One of the things I want to change is my weight, why?  Because I know when I'm lighter, I have more energy, my joints don't hurt so much and I eat in a way that makes me feel like I matter, that I'm taking care of myself.  I also want to do stuff and not just be a coach potato, so yep that's where my attention is being sent to at the moment, I'm going to lose some weight by Summer.  

Yesterday I enjoyed the rest of my melon (I will get me another yellow melon, I really enjoyed it) with yogurt and a spoon of honey.  Then later on I needed to use up the spuds I'd bought so I made this; 

You get a lot of boiled potatoes for 6SP and that Asda stewed steak is only 5SP for the can, I fry some onions, add a couple of oxo and swill the can out with some water to make it go even further.  It's a real comfort food.  

I might make a potato salad with some of the other spuds I boiled yesterday, that'd be tasty.  I've got some Spinach Gnocchi that has a use by date of today so I'm going to cook that later, not sure how yet, but I've defrosted some salmon so I'm thinking they'll go together well. 

But first I need a cuppa, followed by a shower and then I'll get ready for a wonderful day at work, it's half term I know some of your are away but if you're not, please make an effort to come get weighed, it'll help keep you focused, plus I like to catch up with you all.

Here's to a very great day and taking care of ourselves because WE MATTER!   

Mwah, luv ya 


Love me xx

• 
  

Yay, it's Monday

Monday 17th February 2020
You never know what someone is going through. Be kind always.

Woo Hoo, 2lb off, I'm happy with that, especially as I lost 3lb last week with the help of being poorly, usually once I get my appetite back though, it goes back on but I've been more aware of my food decisions.  An example yesterday, I had a baguette left in the cupboard and fancied the rest of the bacon medallions so it had to go in the oven for 10 minutes (they were 12SP each from the Co-op when I wasn't thinking about weight loss and my health).  As it was cooking I decided to cook some tinned tomatoes to add a veg to the plate and an egg, then when it came out the oven, it was really hard, I cut it open inside was really stodgy so I sat there and thought, I can have 4 slices of my regular Warburtons bread for 6SP, that's half the points, so that's what I did and the birds got the bread.

After a late, big breakfast, I wasn't hungry till late afternoon so for my main meal I had a WW chicken lasagne that I'd bought a few weeks ago and was use by today with some cabbage that should've been used a good 10 days ago, but I removed a few leaves and it was fine.  I really enjoyed it, had me another cheeky slice of bread too.

The beauty of WW is you don't have to be 100% on it, 7 days a week, 52 weeks of the year.  The workshops for me are a place where you can spend time with likeminded people who get how you feel, the situations you find yourself in and offer support and motivation you need to live the life you want.  I love hearing my members sharing ideas, talking about what's knocked them off track and watching the other members nod in agreement.

If I've seen anything this weekend on social media it's that people need people, they like to communicate and interact.  Sadly in the crazy busy world we spend too much our interacting time online and not so much in person, another reason it's great to spend some time each week in your WW workshop with people who get you, who don't judge you, who understand.

WW is the nearest thing I've got to a religion I guess, it's my church, instead of an hour praying on a Sunday morning, I spend time talking to other WW members who get me.  Maybe if this at home respite thing works out with mom, I'll be able to go back as a member who gets to stay to the workshop , I know my coach does one on a Friday, so I could go there then massage, I could do that in 4 hours.  We'll see.

Anyway, it's Monday, let's have ya!  It's going to be a great day.  Ooo ooo I almost forgot to tell ya, I did my first Body Groove session yesterday, half hour of grooving round my kitchen, my ankle wasn't impressed afterwards but my ankle hasn't been right since last May when I tried out other forms of exercise.  So I'm going to ignore my ankle and do Day 2 of the 30 day free trial today because I really, really enjoyed it, dance like no ones watching, (actually no one was) but it really does give you a great feeling, I even found myself doing a couple of moves when walking the dog and he was fannying about doing nothing but staring.   Go check it out, I have a girl crush on this woman I won't lie, I'd love to look like her when I was dancing and in my head I do!  https://www.bodygrooveondemand.com

Anyway what are you going to do today or this week to help you move in the direction of your best life?  I'm going to do my body groove, walk Alfie, have yogurt and melon for my breakfast.  I think I'm going to do some meal planning too, only the main meals for the week ahead because I have lots of frozen food that needs using before I go shopping.

Let's make it a great day, you with me?  Oh and if you want a smile and remember my mom, go check out this little video on Facebook, putting it together and watching it yesterday really made me smile, she may have dementia, but my moms still in there,  https://www.facebook.com/bevww/videos/10157588065290862/ 

Mwah, love ya

Love me xx